the witty merchant fun cover photo

four of the funnest online merch stores all in one convenient spot...

Goofy Epic Stuff is your home for outlandish puns, classy fart jokes, and lighthearted surreal humor with a Monty-Pythonesque vibe. Be the life of the party with these colorful, witty designs! 

Fuzzy Genius is your source for clever critters. Meet the likes of Chip the Monk, the meditative squirrel and his fuzzy friends. All of this merch comes in the mail smelling way better than animals do! 

Philosophy & French Fries is our most serious and intellectual store. Meet Professor Philosoraptor as he discusses Platonic and Jurassic Ethics, and many more of history's greatest thinkers and stinkers. 

Retro Sapiens is the perfect 70s and 80s merch store. We've got everything from mullet contests against Bigfoot to some cassette bots. Now you can sport your retro self without having to get an actual mullet! 

some of our Fan Favorites

Each design is available as Teeshirts, Hoodies, Phone Cases, Mugs, Posters & More

and that's just the beginning of our epic catalogue...

With dozens of clever designs and over 400 products to choose from, you're sure to find plenty of witty merch here that you'll absolutely love. These make the perfect, light-hearted gifts for your friends and family. 

quality prints
on teeshirts, hoodies, mugs & more

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Our vast selection of beautifully designed, witty, clean-humor merch products is bound to have items that will tickle your funny bones and those of your friends.

In addition to our large array of products, you'll get the plusses that come with having your order fulfilled and shipped to you by the awesome company Spring, a well-respected pioneer in online merch...

So on top of the peace of mind that comes with Spring's 30 day satisfaction guarantee... you'll also get beautiful print quality and premium materials on clothing and accessories. 

​If you're looking for funny, vivid, quality merch that you can wear either out with friends or even at Grandma's house (like I said, it's clever and clean) then you've come to a great place at The Witty Merchant, your one-stop-shop for 4 of the funnest online merch stores around!

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