Delightfully Absurd Merch

Civilized Humor

Our goal is to provide sprightly cheer to you and your kin — not shock value, which is demonstrably less effective at spreading merriment across the land.

Our merch is clever enough to impress your friends, jolly enough to make your kids go bonkers, and proper enough for your grandma — a very cool grandma who is okay with a fart joke or two.

Outlandish Characters

Step inside to meet our whimsical cast of outcasts, in-casts, and space-travelling fart blasts.

You can rub shoulders with jolly protagonists from all types of places — including serfdoms, kingdoms, fiefdoms, and just plain dumb-dumbs.

You can even make high-leverage contacts with renowned scholars such as Professor Philosoraptor, famous sales gurus such as Teleshark, and historically significant rulers who ruled in both inches and centimeters.

A World To Explore

With dozens of designs and over 300 products, the Witty Merchant is an expansive realm where you can breezily peruse.

You can meander our vast emporium, ever-stimulated by one pleasantry after another, until you either 1) find a product you love, 2) run away swiftly, or 3) don't run away swiftly and find another product you love.

And remember, you and your wee descendants can all safely explore our domain — where nothing ill-natured dwells, and delightful nonsense abounds.